Canceling Dish is a PITA

An update on our plans to cut the Satellite TV cord:

I contacted Dish to cancel their service. Their web site doesn’t have a link for doing this, so I e-mailed them. They replied, asking me to speak with a customer service rep to, “finalize the cancellation request.”

This was a little bothersome.

I called and got the, “Why are you canceling?” routine. I explained nicely that we watch only five or six channels. “Which channels do you watch?” I deflected that line of questioning, and asked again to cancel the service. She offered a discount on our monthly bill. I said no thanks. She then had to speak to her manager.

She comes back on the line and offers me a bigger discount. I said no thanks, I really want to cancel. She then asks me to hold on because she needs to consult her records.

She comes back and offers me an even bigger discount. Worth $800 or so over the next year. Free movies, free this, discounted whatever. I again say, thank you, I appreciate that, I just want to close my account. How do I do this?

She tells me that I have four months left on our Hopper DVR contract. Arg! But the cancellation fee is only $50. $50 to walk away, or keep paying $130 a month until the end of June? That’s an easy decision. She tries selling me on staying with Dish until the end of June, “to take advantage of all the savings.”

I say no thanks, I still want to cancel. What’s the next step?

Her tone now changes. (I understand — she’s probably compensated partly on the account closures she prevents.) They’ll send me a box with shipment instructions, and I have to return the equipment within 30 days of the account closure. I have to return the Hoppers, remotes, and the LNBF.

Wait a sec. The LNBF?

Yes. I have to go up on my roof and unhook the LNBF from the Dish receiver dish.

Up until now, I was mostly amused by all this. But now I’m irked. They protect their transmitted content with DVR decryption and security measures. Asking me to go up on my roof to remove the dish’s LNBF is nonsense, and it feels like a punishment. It’s meant to artificially inflate the customer’s cancellation pain.

Having to do this completely unnecessary action only cements my decision. They now could offer their service for $10/month and I wouldn’t take it.

This was an 18 minute phone call, and now I have to go up on my roof. Bye Dish.