A Python Valentine’s Day card

unholidaycards.com are selling cards with this cover art in packages of 10 for $10.  This is funny:

#!/usr/bin/env python

from relationships import *
from alcohol import shot, beer

def valentines_day(self):
if self.dating:
if self.money == 0:
self.dating = False
elif self.num_prev_dates == 0:
self.money -= dinner()
self.money -= pointless_gift()
else:
self.money -= dinner()/sqrt(self.num_prev_dates)
if randInt(self.num_prev_dates):
self.money -= pointless_gift()/self.num_prev_dates
elif self.married:
if self.years_married < 5:
self.money -= dinner()/(self.years_married ** 2)
else:
pass
else:
while self.blood_alcohol < .08:
self.blood_alcohol += beer()
while self.blood_alcohol < .22:
self.blood_alcohol += shot()
sleep(86400)